Atomic Testing 3, Free World Jamboree

Disc 3 – Living With The Threat

And now here we are, living with the threat. I’m not sure how much more living with the threat I can do at this point. I’ve already caught myself eyeing a portion of the backyard where I might want to put in a fallout shelter and I’ve been wandering around Home Depot looking at backs of cement the way a hungry person might look at pancake mix in a grocery store. It’s strange that in an age where we’re constantly having nuclear proliferation touted as an apocalyptic threat that we aren’t being inundated with the kind of material I’ve been viewing. Then again, maybe the key is in those words “living with the threat.” It seems like we have lately been under the belief that we don’t have to live with the threat anymore, that somehow, after the end of the original cold war that we have put the nuclear genie back in the bottle. But we haven’t, really, have we? We’re still living with the threat, we’re just living in a serious state of denial.
Maybe it’s time we re-learned how to live with the threat.

1. The Medical Aspects of Nuclear Radiation (1950)

Yes, folks, it’s a warm sunny day in California as we take a glance at a sunbather at a swimming pool.
And it’s a fine day and a fine place to learn about nuclear radiation. This films starts out like a radiation fetish film here, but then moves to animated atomic diagrams that explain atoms and cells and how organs are like machines in a factory. To emphasize that latter point the body is shown as an industrial operation with little gnomes working on machines —very cute.

Yessiree, it’s a fine day in America to learn about rays:
Gamma rays (which will turn you into a green hulk if you get mad)
Neutrons (which are the most penetrating but least ionizing—they are external dangers)
Alpha particles (which will turn you into Canadian mutant superheroes)
Beta particles (can burn the skin in concentration)
And whatever you do, don’t have a break in the skin when being bombarded with radiation. So, try to avoid the double whammy of being stabbed right before a nuclear attack.

Much of the mystery surrounding it is maintained by the general public which is determined to regard radioactivity as potent and irresistible as the evil spirit of the ages. This can be partly explained by man’s fear of dangers he cannot sense. A fear fanned into widespread misunderstanding by sensational speculation on what radiation can do.

In the words of Kermit Roosevelt, “We have nothing to fear from radiation but radiation itself.”

Radioactivity is dangerous but to say that it’s deadly period is as misleading as giving a flat answer to the question ‘how high is up?’

Ooh, snap. Take that, nuclear fearmongers.

My favorite part here is the close-up on the ads in a newspaper.

Tune In Monday at 8:30 p.m.
To Hear
“The Awful Truth About Radioactivity”

Followed by “School Lunches: Will they kill you?” at 9pm.

Move to the Country.
Be Safe From Atomic Attack.
Live in Windemere Acres
McCoy & Sons Developers
WI 7-6543

You were perhaps wondering how we came to live in such sprawling suburban conglomerations? I believe the words “Be Safe From Atomic Attack” may explain a lot about the move to the suburbs.
Truth be told, if I was inclined to sell my house, I’d love to take out an ad like this one.

Not even the atomic bomb burst—man’s bold adventure in releasing atomic power—is the DDT of humanity from which there is no escape, for it has its known limits…

Maybe DDT will be the DDT of humanity.

So, how are we going to live with the threat? How do we keep from being on the wrong end of the “bold adventure”?
Rule #1 Be someplace else when it happens.
Rule #2 If you can’t get away from it, shield yourself.
There’s no Rule #3? Shit.
So, how do we shield ourselves? And do they have the supplies at Lowe’s and Home Depot?

1 inch of steel will stop gamma rays.
3 inches of concrete or 12 inches of wood will also do the trick. Unfortunately they don’t give the stats for how thick a down comforter would have to be to stop gamma rays.

To stop neutrons you need concrete, earth and water.
And now we’re treated to some guys smoking and playing poker while they hear an a-bomb go off. Their reaction is so nonchalant. Me, I’d be a little chalant at that moment.
But why wouldn’t they be nonchalant when they’ve been told…It’s safe to go out 2 minutes after the explosion.

And then we get a shot of hairy guys in a shower getting radiation off. Was that necessary? Really?
This man may recover quickly from a rattlesnake bite, this man may succumb to a bee sting…
And they may all be turned into ash in an instant, too…
450 Roentgens will kill a person. That’s a heck of a bee sting.

Treatment for radiation exposure is symptomatic.
The atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki took the Japanese completely by surprise—nevertheless an impressive share of radiation patients recovered…
Define “impressive.”

And the best name for a hospital goes to…The Nagasaki Infectious Hospital.
Is there any reassuring news for us?

In short, they were burned and beaten into oblivion before they had a chance to die of radiation. Which puts the finger squarely upon one of the major fallacies in the public’s attitude towards atomic weapons. It’s the fallacy of devoting 85% of one’s worry about an atomic attack to an agent that accounts for only 15% of the death in an atomic attack. And that’s unsound. It doesn’t fit.
If you must worry, concentrate on the blast effects of an a-bomb. It’s hot and devastating. It causes a gigantic rearrangement of things, a complete change of scenery and it means sudden death to those who chance to be in the way when it happens.

A GIGANTIC REARRANGEMENT OF THINGS. Did they have to go to Euphemism University to learn that one? And COMPLETE CHANGE OF SCENERY…well, that’s an understatement, though we can’t deny the truth of it.

Blast and heat are hazards that warrant concern but not panic, because they aren’t new or novel, they are the same forces of World War II’s conventional bombers which some of you may have experienced, and you did alright, you’re here.
That’s right, the narrator just told you to grow a pair, because if you could live through all the bombing from before then a couple of bigger bombs are either going to kill you or they aren’t.
I can only imagine the sneering tone this narrator would take when confronted with today’s lesser paranoias. Suitcase bomb? Dirty bomb? Suck it up. People before us made it through a lot worse.

Here’s a good rule for everyone: Adopt the realistic viewpoint of a man engaged in a gun battle. His chief fear is not that he might come down with a case of lead poisoning, but that he’s apt to get an extra hole in his body.

And just to pile on the ridicule we are presented with a couple more faux scare attacks:
“…and will eventually result in a race of bald headed people. They’ll call you old skinhead, old chrome-dome.”
Yeah, that’s what people were worried about when they thought of nuclear holocaust. They were worried that we’d all be bald.

“The estimated dose needed to bring about permanent sterility exceeds the lethal dose. So obviously sterility by radiation would be just incidental. A matter a dead man wouldn’t worry about.”
You might think so, but what if my reanimated zombie corpse wants to have a child? What about then?

The public has been force-fed grave suspicions that extensive use of atomic energy as in war might eventually result in an overabundance of freaks suitable for sideshow exhibitions.
You didn’t actually say that right now, did you?
I like how the visual for “freaks suitable for sideshow exhibitions is a pair of nerdy looking kids with glasses. They don’t look like freaks, so much as dorks.

Besides a mutation can be a good variation, an improvement over the parents.
If you’ll be honest with yourself face the facts you’ll probably realize that your principal worry ought to be that your offspring will look just like you.
That’s right, you ugly fat fucks. A little mutation might be better than your own slack-jawed inbred kids would turn out.
And that’s where the film leaves us. Don’t worry about the radiation, because the blast will kill you and besides, a little mutation might be better in the long run.

2. Our Cities Must Fight (1951)
Archer Productions
Directed by Anthony Rizzo, Screenplay by Ray J. Mauer

This film presents a newspaper writer who is having a hard time writing a piece about civil defense, so he goes to his buddy to complain about the way things are. And how are things? People are panicking and running over themselves figuring out ways to abandon the big city in case of an attack.
The two guys commiserate about the “Take to the Hills Fraternity” which sounds like a nice sporting club, if you ask me.

“But they’ve made up their minds without thinking. They’re letting fear push them.”
Why, next thing you know, they’ll be turning each other in as collaborators and foreign agents and blacklisting people.

“It’s pushing them into something close to treason…”
Why, next thing you know they’ll be parking all their bank accounts in the Bahamas to avoid paying good old-fashioned American taxes and lobbying on behalf of foreign governments and socializing health care.

“If war comes and we desert our cities…then we’ve lost the war.”
Unless war comes and our cities are hit with hydrogen bombs, in which case then we’ve, err…lost the war?

“Mass evacuations don’t work.”
This is a warning about refugees in Europe and how they clogged the roads making military use of roads more difficult.

“After an attack our first responsibility will be to keep our heads and get back to our jobs for each of has a job to do. No matter what happens the people of a city must be fed clothed supplied with electricity and heat. The city must be kept alive.”
Your individual American lives mean nothing if our collective American cities don’t stay alive.

The able-bodied person must stay and help. Modern warfare has no respect at all for civilians. Like it or not each of us has his share of fighting to do, his share of danger to face. Running away from that duty would be desertion, plain and simple. In the army it would mean court-martial. As a civilian it would not only be treasonable but it would mean having to live with the knowledge that in deserting your responsibility you’d failed yourself your family your friends your city.
You got that? We’re all in it now. There are no civilians. The Big City needs you to keep America running. Don’t leave your city if it’s getting bombed, because America and all it stands for depends on it.

You know, a lot of people behind the Iron Curtain are wondering if we can ever take it if we’re attacked. They’re carefully measuring our courage, our capacity to fight, our capacity for sacrifice. They think they have the answers. Well, you and I and every American has to examine their minds and hearts and come up with a few answers of their own. The question is: have Americans got the guts? Have you got the guts?
He looks right into camera for that last one. Do we have the guts? Or is it all about paying someone else to have the guts now? Are we content with making sure that someone does dirty things for us to keep us from needing to answer that question?
Well, punk, DO YOU HAVE THE GUTS?

3. Duck and Cover (1952)
Archer Productions Directed by Anthony Rizzo, Screenplay by Raymond J. Mauer

That’s right, the same team that brought you “Our Cities Must Fight” were responsible for the classic Duck and Cover. Everybody’s heard of Duck and Cover, but the full hilarity of it doesn’t sink in until you actually watch this film.
Right away you know there’s a problem when the paragon of virtue is a turtle. The little bastard has a shell. It might make sense to duck and cover if you’re carrying a shelter with you at all times.
The turtle’s name is Bert. Bert is a stupid name.

There was a turtle by the name of Bert,
and Bert the turtle was very alert;
when danger threatened him he never got hurt
he knew just what to do…
He’d duck!
And cover!

The song is catchy, but so was International Communism.
Bert’s biggest enemy is apparently a suicidal monkey that dangles dynamite from a string while hanging from the branch of a tree. The monkey dies, but Bert ducks and covers. Bert even refuses to come out of his shell when the narrator invites him out to meet the good folks watching this film. Bert hates people. And I don’t blame Bert, because you have to wonder where the monkey got dynamite—From people, most likely, because the monkey doesn’t even have pants. Then again, Bert is wearing a helmet, which he probably didn’t make himself. People are arming both sides in this bizarre conflict.

It’s easy to see how this film could become the paragon of paranoia and the icon of inane information.
Just look at the way the kids are learning to duck and over under their wooden desks. Haven’t these kids been watching the last 2 discs of films? Don’t they know that what they really need is duck and three feet of reinforced concrete?

I really love how this film explains that fire is dangerous, but that we have well-trained firemen to deal with the problem and that automobiles are dangerous but that with traffic rules and policemen we can avoid the worst accidents. Hey, this is actually a decent parable.
“Now we must be ready for a new danger.”
Tune it at 9:30pm when we will tell you what this new danger is.

The animation that shows the outskirts of town is alright, but I love how it destroys buildings but leaves the turtle intact. And did you know that the atomic bomb can burn you worse than a terrible sunburn?
Seriously? You think?
Be like Bert, when there’s a flash you have to duck and cover fast. Also, we’re working on mutant human shell mechanisms.

Betty is asking a question in class about atomic bombs. Her teacher tells us that there are two kinds of attack: With warning and No warning. There may be a third kind of attack, which is one with a really ambiguous and useless warning as in the infamous “I’m gonna git you sucka! Sincerely, Joe Stalin” Telegram of 1950, which, while certainly a warning, wasn’t sufficiently detailed as to how he was “gonna git” us or who the “suckas” would be that were gonna get git.

Places marked with an “S” sign are safe shelters. This includes Safeway grocery stores. In fact, nowadays it doesn’t include much else.

Meet Paul and Patty.
“No matter where they go or what they do they always try to remember what to do if the atom bomb explodes right then.” Paul and Patty know what to do. They panic and wet themselves.

“Here’s Tony going to his cub scouts meeting. Tony knows the bomb can explode any time of the year day or night. He’s ready for it.”
Tony is paranoid. Tony needs another hobby.

“We must obey the civil defense worker.”
Yes, master. We will obey.
We must be ready every day at every time to do the right thing, just like Spike Lee taught us.

“Even a newspaper can save you from a bad burn.”
What? Why not just tell people to wrap themselves up in aluminum foil to preserve their “succulent juices”?

“We must be ready all the time for the atomic bomb.”
I’m ready right now.

“Duck and cover and stay covered.”
And stay ducked, too. And remember to vote for the American Reactionary Party. They’ll keep you safe—and white.

“Older people will help us as they always do.”
By telling us how much better things were in their day and that races shouldn’t mix? Seriously, you’re putting your faith in old people helping a bunch of paranoid boy scouts who are pretending to be turtles?
It’s a wonder we made it all the way to 1952 with this advice.

4. Survival Under Atomic Attack (1951)
Castle Films

“Let us face without panic the reality of our times.”
Without panic? But what if brown people in countries with funny names get the bomb? What then?
Can we face the reality of our times without panic then?

“Let us prepare for survival, understanding the weapon that threatens us.”
No, let’s not understand it. Let’s just get real paranoid and confused. That’s the American way.

But seriously, folks. Here’s a good film that’s here to teach you to calm the heck down, man up (or woman up) and face the future instead of running around like a bunch of frightened pansies like the Americans of the Whiniest Generation (yeah, I’m looking at you, people of 2010.)

Here are the simple lessons of living with the threat and surviving the bomb.

1. The blast is the most dangerous part.
No shit. It’s huge, and it tears things apart. If you’re anywhere near the center of it, just blink and you’re worries will be over.

2. Radioactivity isn’t so bad—the Japanese mostly survived it and are doing alright now.
What?

3. Don’t abandon cities.
Because that’s where all the good stuff is, and we need stuff after an atomic attack.

4. Our offices and homes are posts not to be abandoned.
Go to work, you lazy slobs. There are widgets that need to be tightened so that America can bounce back.

5. The immediate danger is over in a minute unless the explosion occurred near the ground or water.
Which is why we’re recommending a lot of new floating housing units.

6. If the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki had known what we know…thousands of lives might have been saved.
But then knowing what we know would have required some sort of time-travelling technology, which would have disrupted a lot, so maybe it’s better that they didn’t know what we know, because that would have changed what we know. Also, what we know is partly based on what happened there, so them’s the breaks.

Finally we get a man on a couch who is clearly using the Civil Defense guide to hit on the woman with him. He shows her his basement. I’m worried that this might turn into a very different kind of film.
He shows her his workbench. The workbench is strong. They could hide under there and survive the nuclear devastation and then maybe even do it.
Finally, there’s a demonstration of getting into a shelter and the little kid outside playing cowboy looks like he may get left behind. Thanks for the overblown music. I guess I can survive an atomic attack. It can’t be any worse than this film.

5. Target You (1953)
Federal CDA/a Philip Ragan Production

“You are the target of those who would trample the liberties of free men. You are in the crosshairs of a bombsight that an enemy is centering on you.”
Little old me? Wait a minute, now, who is trampling on my liberties? Is it the One World Government, or the New World Order? No wonder we’ve ended up with a country full of paranoid conspiracy theorists. A few more of these vague “everybody’s targeting me” videos and I’m going to believe it.

Seriously, though, this is the point at which I’ve officially reached Civil Defense Fatigue. I have officially been told to take cover too many times, been advised to build a shelter too many times and since when did evacuation from a target area become okay? I thought we were supposed to stay in the cities and fight. Now we’re being told to leave the cities in an orderly fashion? Make up your minds propagandists!

One thing’s for sure, the diagrams here are a lesson in OCD to keep things uncluttered.
The animated house house is full of kids, handicapped and aged or infirm and they’re all going to burn in an attack.
We’re told to “ask your utilities for advice and then follow it.” My utilities? They can’t even keep track of billing? Why would I bother asking for their advice and if I did bother to ask why would I not follow it?
I’m not sure if this film is representative or just repetitive, but I think I’ve finally gone Atom Stir Crazy.

6. Let’s Face It (1954)
Federal Civil Defense Administration/USAF Lookout Mountain Laboratory

Let’s Face It sounds like it should have been a Cole Porter civil defense musical. You may think I’m a bit crazy for continuing to watch these after reaching my limit with that last one, but this film is a historical gem.

The opening shot is of an atomic bomb explosion. Nothing I haven’t seen before in the last few hours of viewing.
But here’s the kicker:
The next shot is the old spinning newspaper. It’s a copy of the Los Angeles Examiner and the main headline is “RUSS EXPLODE H-BOMB” with the smaller “Pravda Says Test of Great Strength.”
It could be a fake newspaper for all I know, but there’s one little detail on the rest of that front page that makes this film such an important piece of history.
The next biggest headline is “Mossadegh Fate in Doubt; 300 Killed in Iran Coup” with the subheadline Chief Henchman ‘Torn to Pieces'.
That means that it’s August 1953, and this little film just recorded a bit of Iranian history as it just showed the result of Operation Ajax, the CIA coup that restored the Shah in Iran.
And there you have it, the whole Cold War in a nutshell in a little throwaway scene of a spinning newspaper with a shocking headline that’s supposed to make us paranoid about Communist nukes. One side of the paper is the Communist threat and the other side of the paper is the CIA’s dirty work in suppressing national/post-colonial movements that could be less friendly than right-wing dictatorships.
Oh, it’s just painful watching one half of the US Middle East “Policy” being turned into a giant cluster-fuck with the nonchalance of a spinning newspaper.

The rest of the film is just a time capsule, so if you like seeing old views of American cities then sit back and enjoy. There’s a billboard that says “Pray for Peace, Prepare for Survival”—that pretty much sums up these films.

Let’s face it, your life, the fate of your communities, the fate of your nation depends on what you do…
Which brings us right back to that newspaper headline, doesn’t it.

So, here’s another thought about why this paranoia eventually died out—it’s because these films are all about the fringe areas of a blast. That’s where something will survive. The target areas will be flattened without a doubt—which is a great argument for living in Sticksville. I imagine it’s hard to sustain paranoia with urban city dwellers who have a minimum chance of surviving the nuclear attack. Think about it. If you turn back the clock to 1953 and imagine that a daylight nuclear attack occurs on a major city. Most people will not have time to make it to a shelter. The city will be a complete loss. There’s no point in learning about duck and cover, or washing your hands, or holding a newspaper over your face, much less how many feet of reinforced concrete in your backyard will be adequate. If you’re working in the Big City, you’re dead. Now, if you’re living in Brenham, Texas, you may in fact have a good chance of surviving the nuclear age and making it into the post-nuclear age. You have a good reason to build a shelter and to pay attention to these films. Maybe these films did little more than deepen a divide between urban and rural America and turn suburban America a battleground between urban nihilists and rural survivalists.

“And so until men of good will have turned this awesome power to peaceful uses let us recognize the threat to our way of life, the threat to our survival and…let’s face it.”
Let’s face it, indeed.

7. Warning Red (1956)
Norwood Studios
Directed by Nicholas Webster, Screenplay by Kirby Hawkes

Warning Red is a fully dramatized picaresque story of a man trying to get home with some ice cream just as a nuclear attack occurs. It’s like the Odyssey, only much shorter and in black and white.

Martin is at a diner picking up some ice cream (45 cents worth—he can bring back enough ice cream for his family with 45 cents!)
He can’t find anything on the radio, but he’ll be damned if he bothers to check Conelrad stations 640 or 1240. “I wonder what Karen’s been cooking up for dinner. I wonder what Davy’s been up to.”
I wonder who Karen and Davy are.
He pulls up to his home, but is caught by the flash. He runs for cover (and ducks).
His house is wrecked. He can’t find his family and doesn’t know that they’ve already gotten warning and left for a neighbor’s shelter. What will he do?
He finds a man listening to the radio in a car.
The car radio is a Motorola.
The block warden acts quickly and effectively.
“Are they going to drop another one?”
“No…Not here anyway?”
Martin runs into a man warming up milk for his baby—he’s well-informed and needs no help.
Martin then encounters a woman with a baby—the woman is in shock and talking crazy.
“The milkman doesn’t come ‘til tomorrow morning.”
Once Martin is told that his wife and kid are safe he suddenly transforms from an ineffective person into a sub-warden, helping other people out. And, like a true hero-quest, it is when his character has changed that he finally achieves the means to find his way home.
An old woman who has a shelter runs into Martin and leads him to his wife. All is happy…well, relatively so.

7. Bombproof (1956)
Directed by Robert L. Friend Screenplay by Will H. Connelly
Presented by the Burroughs Corporation
A Robert J. Enders Production

“Since winning its independence the United States has been involved in six major wars an average of one every 30 years.” (Cue the montage of historic American flags and old cannon.) And, uh, we're going to have to revise that every 30 years thing...

This is another “fully dramatized” film, although in this case the whole thing is a thinly veiled (oh, who are we kidding? there is no veil here at all) infomercial for microfilm.

J.B. Donovan (Walter Abel), the CEO of Donovan Manufacturing also happens to be the Civil Defense chief for the area of his factory. In the aftermath of a nuclear attack his workers/survivors are worried about having jobs or pensions and his suppliers are worried about being paid for goods and services.
What happened to all of their records?

"Your factory's nothing but a big radioactive hole in the ground! You're through, I'm through, we're all through! We might as well go live in caves." – Charlie

Good thing for Charlie that Mr. Donovan had the foresight to implement a plan and use the magical new technology of microfilm to preserve all the vital records of his operations.
See, three years prior to this attack Donovan had watched an evacuation drill and thought about just this problem. Lucky for him that someone could explain the idea of microfilm to him.

“We’ve got the people to start over again. We’ve got the records.
The records are the new foundation.”
And, as the records say: “He who breaks the law goes back to the House of Pain.”

“With our people saved and filled with the will to win we could carry on.”
You have to admire that spirit, even though it’s being exploited to sell microfilm services.
Another thing you have to admire is how Walter Abel really puts his all into this cheap, sad role.

So, here’s what we learn from this film: Microfilm will last an estimated 500 years.
Any small town bank vault will do for a second location for your records.
Your company safe is secure enough, unless you’re in the immediate zone of destruction.
Isn’t that reassuring? Even in the event of a nuclear catastrophe the magic of microfilm will ensure that debt collectors will be able to hunt you down for those student loans, which at that point will be payable in jars of peach preserves.

“We can build again…We will build again”
Bombproof is the most inspirational film about microfilm ever! It’s like the Good Will Hunting of microfilm infomercials.

8. A Day Called X (1957)
Directed by Harry Rasky. Written by Lester Cooper

Whoa! This is produced by CBS Television and it’s some high quality stuff, and if you don’t believe me let me introduce you to our narrator, famous Hollywood actor Glenn Ford.
And we actually get to see him in the intro. Bonus!
“In this age of missiles and man made moons…”
Wait a minute, we made a MOON? (He’d better not mean satellites.)
There are no actors in this story. It’s all about Portland, Oregon’s preparation for a nuclear attack.
Here’s what we know about Portland: It’s the largest dry cargo port on the Pacific Coast and with a population of 415,000, it’s “more or less about the size of Hiroshima.”
I think being told that your city is more or less about the size of Hiroshima is a little like being told that your car is moving more or less at the speed of the motorcade in Dealey Plaza and that your head is more or less the size of JFK’s head. It’s a little unsettling.

In case you start believing that it’s actually 1957 and that this is not a test you are treated to the periodic flash of the words: AN ATTACK IS NOT TAKING PLACE.

The people in the movie are real citizens of Portland and we get a thorough glimpse of emergency services preparation as well as an inside look into Portland’s Civil Defense command bunker.
Of course, the attack posited in this scenario is a bomber flight that has crossed the Bering Strait and is coming down the coast from Alaska toward Portland, which gives the good people of Portland plenty of time to do what they have to do in the luxurious 2 ½ hours of warning they have. Why, that leaves enough time to say “Hey, the end of the world is coming, but we have enough time for foreplay and maybe even a few minutes of cuddling.”

Speaking of foreplay, this film is all foreplay, because it’s all about the preparation. Once the time is up and the moment of truth arrives we cut back to Glenn Ford.

“What happened after that moment we leave you to contemplate. The survival of this entire nation depends upon the ability of federal state and local governments to maintain continuity in the even of a nuclear attack.”
Yes, Glenn Ford pronounced it nuke-ular.
So, Portland has a plan for dealing with atomic destruction.
How about you?

9. Fallout: When and How to Protect Yourself Against It (1959)
The Creative Arts Studios

So, we go from the slickly produced CBS production before to another crappy animated instructional video, with spooky music and lost words when the film skips.
The fallout looks like dandruff in this animated sequence.
“Everybody needs to know. Yes, this does mean you!”
What do I need to know?
“What is this fallout anyhow?”
We all know what fallout is by now, I would hope.
I have to say, that cartoons here look like Dilbert’s grandfather did the animation.

What can you do?
Find the best shelter you can. The more solid substance you can put between you and the danger the better you are.

Fill your house with sandbags. Thick solid layers of books, magazines, newspapers, dead hookers, whatever.
Storm cellars are good for fallout shelters. S&M dungeons? Even better.
And yet again, they don’t tell you where you’re supposed to take a dump in the fallout shelter.

“If there are others with you help them by being as calm as you can and don’t be discouraged.”
But if you’re by yourself, it’s okay to cry.

Civil Defense 5 Steps to Safety
1. Warning Signals and what they mean
For instance, see this finger I’m holding up? It’s a warning.
2. Your community plan for emergency action
Is your local militia prepared for the end days?
3. Protection from radioactive fallout
Dig, dig, dig!
4. First aid and home emergency preparedness
Always know where your Geiger counter is.
5. Use of CONELRAD—640 or 1240 for official directions
Don’t worry about this one, CONELRAD doesn’t exist anymore, so if you tune into 640 or 1240 you’re more likely to run into some all-Tejano all the time station, which might not be a bad way of dealing with fallout.

10. Radiological Defense (1961)
The Office of Civil and Defense Mobilization
“This is a Radiological Defense operations room…”
And in the RADEF room? Teletype machines – why do I even know what those things are?

The gravity of the Cold War nuclear threat (one which we still live with now, even if it’s no longer as seemingly urgent as it used to be) comes home with this exercise.

You can laugh at the phrase “5 megatons – Paducah” or you can think long and hard about it. A 5MT explosion in Paducah isn’t just a bad day for Paducah, it’s a bad day for anyone in the entire region around Paducah.
A large-scale attack will send up fallout that will cover 2/3 of the country in a day. That’s a shitty ass day. And this is a scary ass film.
The situation room map is interesting as they plot the areas hit in this demonstration.
They show what would happen if a 10MT bomb hit St. Louis. Within 24 hours the fallout has gone through Terre Haute and landed in Wheeling, WV, wreaking havoc everywhere in between.
Residual radiation is the danger of fallout, which is carried as high as 15 miles in the mushroom cloud.

RADEF, get to know it.
“But it takes action to fulfill this program…”
It takes action to fulfill any program.
“Informed officials at all levels of government…must understand the RADEF program…if we are to survive…”
You mean bureaucrats? I thought government was the problem. Shouldn’t we just privatize RADEF?

“Our efforts now to build a workable radiological defense will pay off richly by helping to deter aggression and by saving countless lives if nuclear attack should come.”

11. The Challenge of Ideas (1961)
This film was made for military personnel, to let them know what the heck they’re doing out in the world.
Americans are overseas to preserve the peace.
1,000,000 are already abroad and soon you will be joining them, but why? Why don’t we let the narrators tell you why…

Holy Good Night and Good Luck! It’s Edward R. Murrow, talking about the conflict between the Free World and the Communist world.

“Over the years as the strength and determination of the Free World has gradually convinced Communist leaders that aggressive war would be a reckless and costly gamble they have begun to talk more and more about their ability to win from us in the arena of ideas.
This, of course, is fine with us, for we are a people with a traditionally great faith in our ideas, the ideas that have moved mountains and created wealth and shaped us as free men and we are confident that history can do no other than award us the victory in any contest in which ideas are the weapons. But I would like to say this, confidence by itself without effort does not win contests.”

It is a conflict of values and ideals. See, we’re not going to fight Communism by invading and occupying countries, we’re going to do it by being Americans, by helping people and selling them things and buying things from them…and occasionally sponsoring coups or separatist movements, because that’s what we do, because we’re Americans. But don’t just take my word for it. Here’s another speaker.

Holy Sands of Iwo Jima! It’s John Wayne smoking a cigarette and quoting Abraham Lincoln.
And after that he goes on a riff of his own.

“As a people we are active and often noisy. We are industrious, oftentimes to the bafflement of ourselves and our friends. We relax as hard as we work. We are proud. We are sentimental. Beauty is of national concern to us…”

And what is beautiful, other than the swimsuit portion of a beauty pageant?
It’s an Old West graveyard where we express our national sense of humor:
Here Lies Lester Moore Four Slugs from a 44 No Les No More.
It’s a Soldiers and Sailors Talent show with a Marine trio singing “Rock Around the Clock.”
It’s “a life of dignity and nobility of spirit.”

And what are we fighting against?
The Communist Man: A creature not of God, but of the state, shopping in his State Store, going out for a night of entertainment at the Hammer and Sickle Ballet, and staying in sick from work the next day thanks to his State Health Insurance.

“What we oppose fundamentally is the aggressive nature of the Communist State, its unceasing effort to expand wherever it can, to grow bigger, to take over, to supplant. This deadly impulse toward aggression we oppose as a continual threat to peace.”

A map of the world divided into white for free world, black for the communist world, and the grey world, the uncommitted nations.
“Our own policy towards them has been watchful, non-intrusive.”
You had me until “non-intrusive.” Because, see, this film is made 8 years after that spinning newspaper about the coup in Iran, and it’s in the same year that we sponsored any of a number of assassinations and coups and attempted coups and counter-revolutions, some of them well-meaning, some of them downright dirty. Sorry, Eddy, sorry Duke, but for the grey world, sometimes we’re just the lesser of two devils.

But let’s see how the Red Devil operates.
These are the spheres of operation for the Communists:
Political
Economic
Ideological

On the Political front we are treated to the history of the Communist Coup in Czechoslovakia in 1948. This was a nasty bit of business that included a mysterious defenestration.
Then we go to some great footage from Budapest in 1956 as the Russians move in to crush Imre Nagy and the anti-Soviet Hungarian Revolution.
We also get some footage from the Berlin Workers uprising of 1953.
Meanwhile we see the Commmunist Party of France HQ and a riot showing just how disruptive these Soviet stooge leftists are in the Free World.

Now we get Frank McGee to tell us about economic methods. Blah, blah, blah.

So, what to we do? We form a network of alliances of the free countries.
NATO, SEATO, ANZUS, and RIO as well as the NAACP, the ASPCA and the RIAA/MPAA.

Here’s what we believe in:
Respect for the Sanctity of Human Life
(Unless it’s in the line of fire when we’re trying to save them from an evil ideology.)
The Right to Freedom of Speech, of Conscience and Religion
(Give or take a certain kind of speech, inconvenient conscience and religions we don’t approve of)
Of Opinion and Belief
(See above)
The Right of Every Man to Work and receive his just reward
(And the Right of Every Business to reap profits commensurate with their capital investment)
The Right of Family
The Right of Parents to their children and their education

And how does International Communism intend to screw us over?
Ideological Penetration
Ewwwww!

The star-studded cast continues:
Lowell Thomas: “To be sure, the right to remain uninformed remains one of the privileges of a democracy…”

And now, famous Hollywood actress Helen Hayes speaks to posterity (that would be us):
“The home is the wellspring of the strongest qualities of citizenship…”
And that’s why homeless people suck.

Alright, I have to say that this was a truly historic experience. And, despite some gripes, I have to say that I can’t argue with the values presented here. The reality may always be different, but that doesn’t mean we should in any way repudiate the values we want to have.


12. Information Program within Public Shelters (1963)
The Department of Civil Defense/Army Pictorial Center

This film is like a dull version of the Twilight Zone where they forgot to put in a real story and their version of Rod Serling is not nearly as clever as the real Rod Serling.
Is that a poor man’s Karl Malden in the Shelter? I don’t know who the actor is, but he does look like a poor man’s Karl Malden.
This film is all about how we have to work as a team to form new communities in the shelter (hopefully relatively temporary communities) and some of the predictable trouble areas of interaction. It’s like 12 Angry Men but with some women and there’s a nuclear attack going on. The point is that there’s an official Civil Defense method of dispensing information within shelters and that you should pay attention and heed the rules. You got that? Good.
Okay, I’m edging back towards stir crazy again. Let’s move on to the next film.

13. Town of the Times (1963)

This is another dramatized film (in living color!) about how it’s important for communities to build shelters. See, someone finally figured out that an attack was as likely to happen in the middle of a work day as it would at night, so that your home shelter would be useless during the day. That’s why we need shelters at work and school and in public places. So, this is a film about trying to work out community solutions and building dual use shelter spaces in schools, like underground cafetoriums and such things.
(I’ve been to several campuses that feature these, and they’re an idea that could use a new life.)

So, you’d think this would be a dull film, but I have to say that the infomercial aspect of it is far outweighed by the combination of the moral crisis at the center of it (a town council member who is steadfastly against spending money on a project like this, until he is brought around to the idea with much anguish) and, of course the appearance of Ralph Meeker as insurance salesman and shelter proponent George McCardle. Ralph Meeker? That’s Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer from Robert Aldrich’s Kiss Me Deadly. Now I really feel like this set was worth the price of admission.

Ralph Meeker sells insurance. He’s a school trustee. But what his town really needs is a public fallout shelter. Everyone faces resistance from William Albemarle Groves (Larry gates), the councilman who doesn’t agree with the idea of building a community shelter because of other things that could be purchased with the money. (Or maybe we can hand out tax cuts.)
But Meeker gets him by drawing an analogy with purchasing insurance for traveling on a plane as he attempts to do later. (Frankly, it borders on blackmail…)
And the town agrees to have a shelter/cafeteria in the schools.
This is the last of the really good films in this set. For a long-form PSA this is pretty entertaining and they even sold me on building a fallout shelter.

14. About Fallout (1963)
Department of Defense Office of Civil Defense

Let’s have a day at the beach! You know what’s at the beach? Radiation!
“Radiation is something we live with every day.”
No!

“There were flaming fireballs in space—we call them…stars and there are millions upon millions of them.”
Flaming Fireballs in Space? That’s awesome!

There is some nice artwork in this film, but I’m now beyond my Atomic Second Wind (or Second Atomic Wind) and starting to go a bit Atom Crazy.

15. Occupying a Public Shelter (1965)
The US Army and The Office of Civil Defense

At last, we’ve reached the end of this long journey. It’s 1965 and we’re once again being herded into a public shelter and given a series of rules and suggestions for behavior in a shelter. Why, we might even be able to get free Pilates instruction in the shelter here in Rowse-Manse Country Corner.

I’ll have to admit, the color film here is a visual treat after so much black and white and washed out color stock. The smorgasbord of characters in the shelter is worth a glance or two, but you might want to skip out on a couple of other hours of fallout advice to see this one instead of having it be the last few minutes of umpteen hours of Atomic Testing videos. In short, I feel like I’ve gotten a spoonful of Cold War Concentrate and I’m going to need to decompress somehow before I get the Atomic Age Bends.
So long, Atomic Testing. I won’t miss your videos any time soon. I leave you to posterity to periodically review for a good scare and (hopefully) a chuckle or two.

Bonus Feature: Poster Gallery
This is a crappy gallery. Not much to see here.